My Dead
Today is Samhain, also Day of The Dead and All Hallow’s Eve. The traditional meaning of the day is that there is a division between the world of the living and the world of the dead, and on this night, that veil is thin and messages, thoughts, images and other communication passes easily between. We’re supposed to remember our dead and honor them. I took some time this morning and jotted down some of my dead - the ones I could think of. Nobody especially famous, but important in one way or another to me. Just putting it down this way with the way that they died also tells you a bit about the shape of my life. Other people, living and dead, form the framework of any individual’s life and story. We can’t exist alone, and we need the relationships with others to survive and thrive. If Jean-Paul Sartre is right that “Hell is other people,” then the corollary must also be true, that heaven can be found there, also, and everything else in between. So here follows a not-terribly exhaustive list of my dead:
Howard, my mother’s dad - emphysema and heart disease. Age 80
Mark Greenke, schoolmate - Car accident. Age 17
John, my father’s dad - radiation poisoning from primitive lung cancer treatment. Age 74
Berlie, my father’s mother - stroke. Age 73
Mary, my mother’s mother - in her sleep. Age 89
Jocelyn, lover and friend - killed by a terrorist bomb on Pan Am 103. Age 26
Robert, my father’s brother - not sure. Age 72
Fran, Robert’s wife - not sure.
Marco - friend - AIDS. Age 32
Stan - friend - AIDS. Age 27
Gary - friend - AIDS. Age 30
Oscar - friend and jeweler - AIDS. Age 34
Lil - surrogate aunt - stroke. Age 75
Mary Kaye - dear friend - suicide by shotgun. Age 38
Greystoke - dear friend - cancer. Age 10
Rita - mother - stroke. Age 68.
Jim - father - lung cancer. Age 76.
Inconcievable - dear friend and companion - pituitary malfunction. Age 19.
Evy - adopted Jewish grandmother and saint - finally decided she was done here. Age 98.
Kathy - friend and neighbor. Trapped in her burning house. - age 70.
Kevin - friend and fellow performer. “long illness.” Age? Never knew. A few years on one side or the other of me.
October 31st, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Let me raise a glass to the departed ones tonight as well.
A wonderful priest and poet from my neck of the woods once wrote, “Let us hasten to love people; they depart so soon”. This is a good time to remind ourselves.
October 31st, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Um… solar Samhain is actually tomorrow this year. It’s not always Oct 31.
For those that do not know, Samhain falls on the midpoint between Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice.
So Jed, you are a day early sir. Enjoy Halloween today, mourn your losses tomorrow.
October 31st, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Thanks, Ed.
Cthon - Um, don’t you think you’re kind of missing the point of my post altogether?
October 31st, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Yeah, we mourn the people we lose always. If we;re wise, we also celebrate the people love always.
Like you, JED, I have a long list of loved ones who’ve moved onward. And I follow the above to the best of my ability each day.
October 31st, 2012 at 6:21 pm
In most of the military, it is customary to raise a glass at times like these, “To those we left behind”. In my life, there have been many, too many to count, that left far too soon.
November 1st, 2012 at 1:28 am
I love you mom. Thanks JED. Micayla, Pancreatic cancer… Age 67. Jan 2010…….
November 1st, 2012 at 8:09 am
One of the better things about being Unitarian is that we are open to celebration of Samhain. I have a pretty big list if I look long enough, but the big ones are Mom, 4 years ago, Dad, 12 years ago, dear friend Bill, 18 months ago…those are enough to share.
I agree, love the ones you’re WITH!
November 1st, 2012 at 8:40 am
My father died of old age at 85. If I have to go, I’d like to go the same way. I admire him for trying to improve his personality even in his last years.
Uriel, an inspiration to me, took his own life not long ago. He was caught in a struggle against the world, and eventually he couldn’t fight any more. I’ve linked his website, it’s mostly about programming.
November 1st, 2012 at 9:09 am
When the spirits of our lost reside in our hearts, they’re never truly gone….blah blah blah….bullcrap. I miss you, Daddy!
Had to wait for tears to subside to find the ’submit comment’ button.
November 2nd, 2012 at 5:13 am
“Finally decided she was done here.” Now that is the biggest telling point of her personality. She must have been fantastic to know. Or at least outrageous.
November 3rd, 2012 at 7:06 am
You remember them, they are never truly dead while you do so.
Also, I hope someone can one day say “finally decided he was done here” for me as well.
November 6th, 2012 at 2:59 pm
I believe in an afterlife, so I think we will be reuinted with our friends and family when we, too, pass on.
January 19th, 2013 at 9:31 am
Geez, that is a large number of unusual deaths. (Plenty of folk who reached a nice age, but still). Either there is a statistically high dose of drama and tragedy in your life, or you have a very large group of friends. Hope it’s the latter.
January 24th, 2013 at 5:00 am
Talk about variety there. O.o They say the greater a person you are, the more tragedy will find your life. I wish you bountiful fortune in holding what’s left behind.