San Bernardino- What a frigging dump.
My lifelong friend Dino (yes, the Dino who runs Soulgeek) lost his father very recently and, of course, I went to the funeral today. The older we get, as Mary Smich said in her famous column, (wrongly attributed to Kurt Vonnegut)
“Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people
who knew you when you were young.”
Dino and I have known each other 35 years, which is scary enough, but we come from much the same place, for all our manifold differences. As depressed as I was for feeling such frank disdain for the place of my birth, especially its current state which is even worse than it was when I left almost thirty years ago, it was curiously comfortable and familiar being in his mother’s little casita with the rest of his family and friends, most of whom were known to me and some even also friends of mine. Some just passing acquaintances, but with whom I could easily converse and pass the time of day or share a remembrance of my dear friend, our shared experience and their basic decency on an important occasion making up for all that divided us by race, language, religion (or lack of it) and all the rest. Funny how familiar the feel of the grass, the sound and smell and touch of the neighborhood and all of it was. It wasn’t my neighborhood - it was in the more brown part of town, after all, and especially in the `70s that mattered (though never really to Dino or his family or mine) but we weren’t richer, smarter, or better than they were. We worked hard, they did too. I was a geek, so was he. We were both weird and neurotic in our own way, which is why, I think, we became and remain friends.
And we still are weird, neurotic geeks at our age, as undignified as it might seem to some. Hell, they say that 50 is the new 20.
(Don’t ask me who “they” are. Just know that most of “them” are over 50. )
And on this very day my eldest niece gave birth to her and her beloved husband’s first child.
Not sure exactly why I am writing this to you, other than that you have all somehow become an extension of my mishpucha (It’s Yiddish, look it up ) and these are some thoughts I had that I thought i needed to share.
Working on the new page. Shouldn’t be too much longer.
Warmest regards,
JED
lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people
who knew you when you were young.”
Dino and I have known each other 35 years, which is scary enough, but we come from much the same place, for all our manifold differences. As depressed as I was for feeling such frank disdain for the place of my birth, especially its current state which is even worse than it was when I left almost thirty years ago, it was curiously comfortable and familiar being in his mother’s little casita with the rest of his family and friends, most of whom were known to me and some even also friends of mine. Some just passing acquaintances, but with whom I could easily converse and pass the time of day or share a remembrance of my dear friend, our shared experience and their basic decency on an important occasion making up for all that divided us by race, language, religion (or lack of it) and all the rest. Funny how familiar the feel of the grass, the sound and smell and touch of the neighborhood and all of it was. It wasn’t my neighborhood - it was in the more brown part of town, after all, and especially in the `70s that mattered (though never really to Dino or his family or mine) but we weren’t richer, smarter, or better than they were. We worked hard, they did too. I was a geek, so was he. We were both weird and neurotic in our own way, which is why, I think, we became and remain friends.
And we still are weird, neurotic geeks at our age, as undignified as it might seem to some. Hell, they say that 50 is the new 20.
(Don’t ask me who “they” are. Just know that most of “them” are over 50. )
This entry was posted JED on Tuesday, October 9th, 2012 at 9:03 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
October 9th, 2012 at 9:16 pm
The reason you are writing this to us, your friends, is just that; we are your friends. We follow Zona because you, my friend, put much of yourself into this work and, on some level, I think we all realize that. For myself, I am proud and very touched that you did share your thoughts with us. I also know very well what you are talking about. I have lost too many of my friends over the years and I cherish those few I have left.
October 9th, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Yep. I know what you mean brother-mine. My first grandchild is born a bare two weeks after I lost a very old friend to colon cancer. Someone I shared my absolute stupid and wonton youth with. Someone who, when he ran for politcal office on a manifestly liberal platform I worked tirelessly for because he was my friend. But as the tired cliche goes, life goes on, and the struggles, loves, passions and causes we fight for will always be carried on. We can let our friends go with a “well done” and a “BTW, I love you” and know they rest assured.
October 10th, 2012 at 12:53 am
With your story–your pains are our pains, your joys—our joys.
We have grown very attached to you, and we look forward to having you around. We are glad to hear from you.
Bless you.
October 10th, 2012 at 3:54 am
Our condolences on the loss of your friend’s father, who from the sounds of it was something of a mentor and second father to you–as many of our own friends’ parents have been. And congratulations to your niece and her husband for the blessing of their child; may the ups vastly outweigh the downs when it comes to parenting.
October 10th, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Thanks for being real with us.It’s hard to talk about events of real meaning
to just anyone, to share painful transitions and passages, but if we did not mark or notice these events, we’d be so much poorer and stunted.
October 10th, 2012 at 7:14 pm
First, vibes to Dino, even if he has more important things to do just at the moment. He’ll read this soon enough.
Second, yeah, we’re definitely all affines, even if y’all aren’t good Norwegian Lutheran Republicans (or are those redundant?).
And Steve, what’s so bad about spending your youth with Chinese cuisine?
October 10th, 2012 at 11:38 pm
JED, Thanks. SO your another of those 50ish kids eh? I just didn’t get the geek part, though in my own musical/natural way am also with the majority, and part of a small minority.
Those who pass before us, always get to live on forever in our hearts, especially as we share what we learned from them with others in that particular present time.
That, and never miss a chance to tell someone how much you think of them. I had as many friends pass in my 30’s as I did in the Nam war years. It’s best to pass that message along while you can see them smile in return.
Zone gives to me, a lot of what life really is, and is about. Thanks, I look forward to it and read/vote daily, cause not enough people are aware what they’re missing here!
Scott
October 11th, 2012 at 11:30 am
Thanks for sharing your life and your perspective with us, JED. We’re your kehilla for sure.
Moox