July 7th, 2009
Page 288
Comics for July 7, 2009 - Page 288
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July 7th, 2009 at 12:21 am
And THIS is why you don’t deal with the ‘muscle head’ dark ‘gods’ they never give you ANY room to wiggle. You can squirm all you want but it won’t get you anywhere.
*sips root beer*
July 7th, 2009 at 12:59 am
i note that in this place, Gorshash has both eyes.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:24 am
It is a spirit realm, so it’s likely he’s in his spirit body of sorts. Also, it is of indeterminate time after the fight, and as he mentioned in an earlier panel that it was a minor issue to regenerate it.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:13 am
Sad as it is, I know people with God complexes like this. And I swear to my own God complex that it isn’t me with a God complex!
Really nice burning eyes in the first panel.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Methinks Shuach suffers from the “only has a hammer” weakness. He’s used to winning by brute tactics, force, and absolute domination. But in war, and this IS war, one cannot simply crush, for though you are sure hit, you are also sure to miss, and every miss is more people intent on your defeat by ANY means. Sorry, pryo-crown, our crew just ain’t nails.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:51 am
Is that Shuach’s chest on fire, or has Shuach decided to torch Gorshach?! It’s really hard to tell at this angle.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:32 am
*refrain from distasteful comment* ;P
Shuach really needs to learn that you can’t win every fight.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:53 am
I note that while Gorshach is bowing and scraping to Shuach, he is still basically ‘mooning’ ‘us’. Not sure if that was intentional, however, I think it would be exactly his attitude.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:44 am
To steal a line from “The Incredibles”… “And then he starts MONOLOGUING!”
July 7th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Boy, Shuach is kind of an asshole isn’t he. :-p
July 7th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Another great installment JED. So not only do we get to see the image of a fire god, we are also privileged to behold the avatar of ‘megalomania’. Hurff - And haven’t we all encountered little Shuach wannabes at one time or another.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Egotistical bastard, ain’t he?
July 7th, 2009 at 9:44 am
The big S seems a bit full of himself. I wonder how he rationalized his own defeat and 3000 years of failure to escape? I guess a smart worshipper would just grovel and whimper, but my line would be “So it was your will that I would be defeated?”
July 7th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Anybody ever read “Between the Rivers” by Harry Turtledove? I recommend it.
Adamzero - He’s a cruel god - but fair.
Fatuncle - as DanekJovax mentions, this is the Otherwhen, and Gorshash is in his more perfect spirit form. His physical form is back where he zapped himself to and MAN it is fucked up!
Ghost - Yeah, he’s based on a definite type - but he has his own special kind of charm, as you’ll see in the next couple of pages. The flaming eyes are an old meme, but I couldn’t resist …
IncursionZero - You’ll see he’s not quite as dumb or as simple as that, but he’s definitely mean. Oh, he *doesn’t* like to be disappointed!
Uhl - It’s Shuach’s fiery aura. No, he’s not torching Gorshash - yet.
Lora - Who knows how much - or how little - Shuach has learned in 3000 years? Hmmmm.
Hwyla - There’s nobody behind Gorshash, but that is a very funny thought!
Lictre - Hey, he’s in his own private little hell, he’s got a grovelling worshiper in front of him on a stereotypical floating rock - of COURSE he’s monologuing!!
wysiwyg - Yup.
Ga’Tor - Thanks very much! And yes, as I said, he’s based on a type. All too common a type.
Black Ethel - Yup.
Hugh - Of course he’s rationalized the whole thing. Everything is according to his will, and don’t bother him with logic - he’s God.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Cruel but fair indeed. As shown in the backstory, Serve him well and spread his influence, and you will get glittering cities and continent/world wide power and glory… Until the other deities decide to spank both him and you back to the stone age.
To quote one of my fave lines from a comedy movie (Waiting): Arghh! The Goat! The Goat, you bastard!”
July 7th, 2009 at 11:38 am
‘I AM GOD!’
…and, one suspects, more’n a little batshit insane…
July 7th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
After being confined for 3000 years, wouldn’t you be? Of course, one suspects he had more than a few bats in his belfry back when he ran loose and wild…
July 7th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
yay! narcissism
worse partially justified narcissism….. does that still count as a severe case of NPD? cause I think it would in a human.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
JD, he’s not Dimmsdale, that’s for sure. But he is a loony, and not even a HAPPY loony, poor bastard.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
“WHEN I GIVE YOU MUSIC, YOU WILL PRAISE ME AND DANCE!”
July 7th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
LocalYokel - True - but if he ain’t happy, ain’t *nobody* happy!
Kern - People used to think that the insane were either divine or possessed by demons, eh? Batshit is in the eye of the beholder. (or the umberhulk, whichever you prefer …)
Macnut - Again, all these things are relative. It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you. It’s not delusions of godhood if you really are a god …
pete - “As you are fond of pointing out, Doctor, I am *not* human.”
AdamZero - “Dinnsdale??? Dinnsdale!! Dinnsdale??”
Sage - Dude, there is a fine line between a running gag and running amok. Or running nose, for that matter. Or maybe Chief Running Shoes of the Nike Tribe …
NO DANCING YET!!
Patience.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Yeesh, ego trip much?
And what’s with the dancing? And when it comes will it be rhumba, a tango or waltz? And can I have Edyta as my partner? (Sorry DWTS fan and consider Edyta hottest of the pros. The fact that she seems allergic to clothes don’t hurt either.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Well, given the more medaeval setting, possibly a Gavotte? Or maybe Shuach has no sense of rhythm, and doesn’t dance at all.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
…Can I date you? Seriously, watching you craft a deeply detailed, complex story with lots of background and other fiddly bits, great artistry in depicting the tale visually and textually, (mmm, textually)…well, it’s totally pushing happy buttons over here…
Jean
July 7th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
And there’s the Urrt’s forever get-out-of-jail free card, right there. That omniscience and praise me all the time thing? It cuts 2 ways. All he has to say after future failings is:
“Thank you for the lesson you clearly meant to teach me. Thy will be done.”
July 7th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
and now for something completely different. I man with a sword in his gut.
*cut to a certain Kilvalian lord gutting a bandit back to back with what’s his face. The dude who keeps challenging Zona*
July 7th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Hehe, we see Gorsash’s bum! I think it’s going to get tanned and how!
July 7th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
WHEN I GIVE YOU LEMONS!
YOU WILL PRAISE MY LEMONAID!
yumm Lemonaid…
July 8th, 2009 at 12:47 am
Hey, you’re the one who started it with the “you really wanna see ‘em dance, huh?” after I only said it… maybe twice?
Even you’ve gotta admit, though, seeing a wacky dance number at any point in this comic, with any of the characters (with the possible exception of Tethik), would be terribly amusing in an out-of-left-field sort of way.
‘Sides, it also serves as a pleasant distraction from Urtt ass.
Idle note: Not a dude. ^^
July 8th, 2009 at 6:58 am
“You are my plaything, your existence is at my whim!”
Well, I’d say he definitely has a god-complex, but since he IS a god, I suppose it fits.
Shuach strikes me as someone who lost out on a pretty big roll of the dice in the cosmic crap-game awhile back, and is looking for a new shooter and a wad of fun-money. I suppose this means he isn’t going to croak G for failing him, but I can’t see how he can punish him for failing, either.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Hmmm, a millennia old ancient fire god, who thinks he’s THE god. Well, of course he’s going to be like that. Fire as an element isn’t exactly stable; it’s quick, it’s rapidly shifting (in the right circumstances), and it feeds itself by burning whatever it’s attached to.
This may, soon, include the spirit forms of certain “priests, ” but I can’t see him killing Gorsharch either. Otherwise, who’s going to go do the minon work?
July 8th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Tricksterson- I don’t know what the dance will be, though I’m leaning toward a conga.
Steve - Shuach don’t dance and he’s no friend of mine.
Jean - You flatter me unnecessarily! Please continue.
Thanks for the very kind assessment of my humble efforts to undermine Family Values in Western culture! As we say at home, if you’re happy, I’m tickled to death.
Joe - Is it? Welllll … we’ll see, won’t we? It’s not over `til the fat Urtt sings.
AdamZero - we’ll definitely be seeing both those chaps again, but in what circumstances and how soon I will let be a surprise.
firegoat - Very likely.
Ysssk - Okay - you cracked me up. Seriously. That’s some good funny. =D
Sage - Ah, sorry for the fox paws about your gender. Won’t happen again. As for the dance scene, I actually think it’s a riot. And sometime, when you least expect it …
Jim Farris - Shuach’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. Seriously, when I said that folks used to think insanity was a sign of divinity, they were talking about guys like this.
Lachesis - Oh, yeah, Shooey-Gooey is all those things. He’s the cosmic douchebag for Erogenia’s dimension, and he’s got a triple mega mad-on that needs some expression.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Ahhh, but something to remember about the old “cruel but fair” dark gods. What makes them dark usually comes from a strong tendency to require blood and souls from their favored worshipers (oh, and some competence at performing the tasks set by the deity) as a condition of their power.
July 8th, 2009 at 11:25 am
JE… I didn’t say Shuach wouldn’t punish him. Hmm, actually, I could have phrased that better. Let’s reboot for a sec.
There are 2 possibilities here. One, Shuach is lying when it claims the powers it does (my vote). But having made the claim and thrown its chips in, it must cover the bet. It means every word it says in the final panel. Conclusion: You made a crappy choice, but Shuach will do what Shuach will do. Go along with the illusion by accepting the premises, give it no openings, accept what comes, and maybe think a bit later about bad choices (which won’t happen - G pushed all his chips into the middle of the table a long time ago).
The 2nd possibility is that Shuach actually is as omniscient as it says. In which case it’s all part of a plan, and whatever needs to happen now must happen. Again, the only option is acceptance, per the last panel. That was Job’s lot, too, albeit with a kinder deity.
Either way, there is really only one response to Shuach in future for any failings. It’s a logical get-out-of-jail free card, and effectively a test of Shuach.
Having said that, close servitude of a divine figure, or even a high ideal, always runs the risk of suffering and even death for one’s adherence. That is no less true in Erogenia than it is here, though the deities themselves are hugely different. Whether the deity is omniscient or not, it’s all part of a design, and the role one may end up playing may not be “victorious hero.” Sometimes, the role is more like “take up my cross, and follow me” - which is why Frodo was not reassured when Gandalf told him that perhaps he was meant to acquire the One Ring.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Then there’s the third option that Shuach isn’t lying, in the sense that he believes what he’s saying but is, in the phrasing of a previous contributor, “Bat-shit crazy”
And I’d dispute that Yahweh was any kinder (or saner) than Shuach but this probably isn’t the place for it.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Tricksterson - I’ll say Yahweh was a little kinder/saner in the sense that his followers were supposed to take care of the animals, plants, and land. It was said the old Erogenians poisoned the land and the water and the sky…and I suspect Shuach encouraged this, in an attempt to make the world more like a netherhell. (You always want to fix up the place you’re moving into so that it “feels like home”…) Beyond that, though, yeah, the old-school Yahweh was pretty cruel, demanding animal sacrifices, encouraging conquistador-style interloping on others’ property, and in general being misogynistic to a fault…
And JE, y’all didn’t answer my question, honey…*flirtflirt* But you can take your time. I have to go run a D&D game (muahahahaha), then get back to writing…
July 8th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Uh, yeah, this isn’t the place. You could go over to theologyweb.org if you wanted to find out more on that, but don’t be surprised if the answers aren’t quite what the current cultural tradition you are quoting says they are.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Kamatu’s right. I put that stuff into its own fantasy context, and in this forum, let’s leave it there. Broader discussion of religion on the WWW is probably not the road to peace and harmony. So far everyone’s gotten on splendidly here and I think you’re just about the most mature and intelligent crowd I’ve come across on the Internet.
Mind you, that right there sets the bar pretty low, (your humble author included) but nevertheless …
July 8th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Shuach may be bat-shit crazy, but I’m willing to bet he does understand tactics, planning and politics. Put another way, Gorshash gave the wrong answer: he didn’t admit to/realize the truth, which was his own arrogance led him to underestimate his enemies.
Notice he talks in terms of weakness and power. He speaks of his will, as though *wanting* an outcome badly enough will make it happen. He doesn’t mention that he didn’t bother investigating his oppositions abilities, which he should have done *first* before moving agianst Zona and co. Instead, he assumed the cattle were just like other cattle and would be subdued by a simple combo of magic and melee fighting.
Shuach needs to kick his ass for stupidity. Seriously. (Now I’m wondering though, if Shuach is capable of seeing that stupidity for what it is.)
July 8th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
When I least expect it? Poor fool. I expect EVERYTHING.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
I basically agree with aPrincess… Gorshash gave The Wrong Answer. If there was a Right Answer (and I would not put it past the “Big S that Is Not Superman” to ask a quastion with no Right Answer), it would be some expression on how he did not fail. Lies and bravado seem to be the order of the day, even if the Big S sees through them.
I can see the Big S suddenly smiling and saying something like, “Now that I’ve done my anger and threatened punishment routine, this is what I want you to do to salvage this Fubar situation you’ve set up.”
July 8th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
aPrincess
I can see that Shuach needs to kick Gorshash’s ass for his stupidity, but I see a minor problem with that — Shuach has no legs and feet.
On the other hand, this might reduce any temptation for Gorshash to say Bite me!
July 8th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
This reminds me of that famous saying , Nasssty yellow face!! It burns us, precious!” or something like that….;)
July 9th, 2009 at 12:30 am
Holy FUCKIN HELL!!!! WHEN DID NIGHT RIDER GO OMNI-POTENT,OMNISCIENT AND LOSE HIS LEGS…musta been one hella bike accident.. those butch forearms… Wheelchair basketball… AND THANK YOU im soooooooo glad we dont have to see a shuach shlong. it might be flaming as well..
July 9th, 2009 at 5:13 am
But Sage, NO-One expects the Spanish Inquisition ! (sorry, but I think there’s some sort of internet rule about having to have Monty python references every so often)
July 9th, 2009 at 6:28 am
Night rider?! Scheisse, now you’ve got me thinking of the series with David Hasselhoff. (You are sure you didn’t mean Ghost Rider? ‘Cause that is who Shuach reminds me of).
And JED, if we are the most mature you have ever met on the net, then people must become very immature when going online.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:36 am
@ God Aengus, now let’s not go critiquing Shuach’s presumed orientation shall we? He can be a “flaming” god all he wants.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:13 am
S’ probable way of ‘kicking’ G’s ass would be to gesture, and make the bottom half of G’s body to burst into soulfire. Lest G think that S is flattering him, the smoke of his own crisping soul would go into his eyes and nose, making him choke and tear to drive home his vulnerability.
S doesn’t create smoke because he is a god of FIRE forever burning, the source of heat, light, and destruction, he needs no material fuel. Smoke is the property of far lesser fires. He could have originally been a sun-god, and had an association with burning away impurities, but as the Erogenians grew corrupt and destructive, S mirrored their social evolution.
However, now the Erogenians have realized that destructive action is not the only way to remove impurities as a society; that they have to undo, or BALANCE the wrongs and destruction they did in the past. S, like any conscious persona, knows when he’s been forsaken by those that once loved him.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:07 am
If you have to claim you are god, you might as well give it up.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Actually I think Gorshash had corrected his mistakes for the second encounter, except he didn’t realize that the little wimp human with the large generative organ was that capable. After all, the only thing that could be pointed to was Mentl’s apparent tricking and beating to death a half human cow. She was probably silly and stupid.
Heck, without Tula to shield Mentl after his initial shots, the fight would have still probably gone Gorshash’s way.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Uhl: Lovely pun. :o)
July 9th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
“When I give you endless suffering, you will praise me” That sounds like an abusive relationship to me and I advice getting out of that relationship… if possible.
August 1st, 2009 at 8:36 am
OH LAWD!
i was thinking Ghost Rider.
It seems i have been corrected.
Thank you lora.